If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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