Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
