ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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