Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
