When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
