i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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