if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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