my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
