i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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