Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
