How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
