Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
