Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
