remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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