You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
