okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
