I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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