i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
