she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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