the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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