Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
