This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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