the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
