8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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