Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
