lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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