I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
