Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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