jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
