Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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