There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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