I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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