she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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