I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
