tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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