Someone shit on the floor
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
