i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
