Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
