we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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