There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
