Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
