I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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