he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
