i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's great music for shaving your balls
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
