You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
