I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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