When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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