hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
