So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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