he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
