I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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