he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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