Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
