I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize