New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
