I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
