Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
