i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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