I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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